we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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