well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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