I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
