Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
