I swear she didn't look like that last week.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
