No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
