Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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