my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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