I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
