So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
