were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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