So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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