Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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