Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
