yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
