4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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