Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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