I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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