i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
