he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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