So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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