i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
