why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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