we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize