Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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