awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
