how can u be prego again
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
