i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
