Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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