Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
