hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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