I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
