So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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