what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
