Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
