Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
