I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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