He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My life is pants optional.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
