I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
