May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
