y did u give ur computer a hand job?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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