he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
