It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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