She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
