I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize