im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
