i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Will exercising make me less horny?
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