Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
