I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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