Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
