Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
