we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
