they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is the high leading the old right now
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
