I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
