I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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