i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
