Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
