is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
