Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
