2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
