Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
