Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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