this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize