You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
