You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
