DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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