His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
