Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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