i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
