i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
