yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
