Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
