FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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