My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
