these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
