i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize