i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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