this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
