I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
