i would punch a child for taco bell
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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