drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
there is puke in my bra ... again
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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