did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
