I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
