Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he fucked my hip out of place.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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