Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
