apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
