wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
