STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Found the puke drawer
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
