then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
