if you like me you must not know who I am
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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