We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize