she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
