Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
