Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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