I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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