well you can't waste a boner
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
