Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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