I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
