I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hippo gnu deer
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize